It’s been a month of pain and movement restrictions. I first injured my back and just when I thought I was managing the spasms I fell and injured my knees pretty badly. Everything became a painful arduous task- sitting, standing, sleeping. Added to that, this was also the month of increased workload both as a single mom and solopreneur. I’m a fairly active person and movement, exercise, walking is an essential part of my daily routine.
Everything suddenly halted in a sense with me still doing the the essential work painfully and slowly. But my current healing differed significantly.
– This time I wasn’t angry or irritated at myself nor did I believe I invited the injury. This time I was accommodating and understanding. I even managed to laugh through the pain. I spoke kindly to my body and I listened to the cues on how much and how often I could start moving around.
– This time I was in no hurry to do something or reach anywhere. I did not push my already burdened body with trying to reach deadlines, meetings or accommodating more than possible requests. I said no when I could, I said enough when I could, I said not now when i could. – Something that has taken me quite a few years to learn.
– This time I asked for help where I felt it could give me some additional respite. I specified what I needed; I restrained my instinct to do everything on my own. I let go of the need for things to done just right. Good enough was enough.
– This time the difficulty of doing simple tasks did not hassle me. I did them as slowly as possible. In fact I realised how much the body gives to help us achieve even those seemingly mundane easy tasks like brushing your teeth or lifting things off the floor or even simply walking around. Every painful muscle reminded me that it has been an invisible but indispensible part of what I achieve everyday.
– This time I got tests done and scheduled others without fear or anxiety of what the diagnosis may turn out to be. I have found faith that we will find the answer when we get there.
I’m not completely healed. It’s taking some more time. But for the first time through this long period of suboptimal health, I’m finding myself at peace. Sometimes slowness is what is needed to heal. Sometimes slowing down is all that can be done.
As the American author Phyllis Mcginley said
“Of one thing I am certain, the body is not the measure of healing, peace is the measure”. How true!
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