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I have a more comfortable relationship with women but my parents forced me to get married to a man.

Q. I have a more comfortable relationship with women but my parents forced me to get married to a man. I could not disclose to them about my orientation then, and now I am not able to adjust myself to this marriage. On the pretext of completing my studies I live in the hostel with my female partner and I am unable to find a solution. Please help.

KU: People around the world face violence and inequality, sometimes torture because of who they love, how they look or who they are.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are integral aspects of our personality and should not be a reason leading to either discrimination or guilt.

Data says 34% women and 64% men are not open about who they are to anyone in their faith community.

Firstly, let me tell you that being oriented towards a different type of sexual identity than the norm is not a crime. So, stop feeling guilty and believe in yourself and your sexual orientation. Since you did not discuss the issue ever at home and got married to a man with whom you are not able to develop a bonding, affection, or emotion, the situation has become complex. You need to come out of this marriage if your commitment with your female partner gives you happiness and fulfilment. However, you will need to speak to your family and help them understand your gender identity and satisfaction in the relationship. Though it will be a tough job, but someone has to give it a start. Know this – if you can relevantly and rationally present your side it will be simpler. You can take the help of any psychologist counsellor who can guide you through the process.

It is important for your folks to see your identity being represented in politics, society and family as this will show a positive image of the LGBTQIA+ community. Hence coming out in the open and discussing various aspects of life is important.

Today social media and many TV channels reflect the reality and showcase the diverse experiences of the LGBTQIA+ community, this will surely help in the acceptance and understanding about your sexual orientation. 

In schools, with an LGBTQIA+ inclusive curriculum, people are found to be less likely to feel unsafe because of their identity. They also would experience lower levels of victimisation related to their sexual orientation and gender expression.

As an individual of the LGBTQIA+ community, you must feel affirmed with your own identity, feeling affirmed with one’s own identity, sense of self-worth, is quite different than feeling as if you are wrong or bad for being who you are.

Many same sex partners want to form stable, long lasting relationships and many of them do. In fact, studies have found that the majority of lesbian and gay adults are in committed relationships and have been together for years. The psychological and social aspects of committed relationships between same sex partners to a great extent resemble those of heterosexual partners, showing deep emotional attachments and commitments. Experiencing similar issues like intimacy, love, loyalty and stability, they go through similar processes to address the issues like heterosexuals. Lesbians and gays couples’ level of relationship satisfaction is also similar to those of heterosexual couples.

There is no scientific basis for denying marriage rights or cohabitating rights to LGBTQIA+ and the laws in India are favourable too.  Although much needs to be done in that respect as well.

Kavita Upadhyay

Is a counsellor with expertise in family counselling, marital counselling, child counselling, adolescence and career counselling, gender issues and stress management. Kavita has 25+ years of experience in these areas and also trains for life skills and special needs. You can follow her here.

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