Thursday Toasts with Aradhna: The Balance in Giving

Our mind & body have ways of sending messages & warnings to ensure we are aware of the happenings inward. Whether physical or emotional – we know. When we over-give, our body & mind will send signals.

Being kind & generous is different from over-giving. The latter stems from an inner void or need for our self-esteem. Instead of helping us or our ecosystem, it makes us question the years of faith we’ve had in our self & obstructs communication with everyone.

Guilty of experiencing all these feelings at one point.

Let’s see why some of us over give:

1. To feel loved & appreciated: This works as a boost for our confidence not realizing, that the only validation we need and seek is that of our own.
2. We feel that others aren’t capable of the same depth of giving: We assume that people around us may not have the emotional capacity to understand the needs of others as efficiently as we do. How are we so sure of this? We won’t know till we give them that chance. 
3. Bound by duty: Even when we don’t want to put in an effort, our moral obligations consume our mind with guilt & in those situations, we compensate even more.
4. We put the needs of others before our own: We identify ourselves as extremely caring and habitually put the needs of others before those of our own. This becomes so redundant that we forget our wants and needs.
5. We Overthink: What I’ve found based on personal experience is that overthinking & over-giving are best friends. They probably have laughed about the long-drawn consequences each one has to offer. When we aren’t spending our energy on all the giving, we’re devoting it to overthink if we did enough.

Coming back to where we started, we are living beings with energy channels all over. And this cycle will reach back to our mind & body sooner than later.

 When we give too much we feel:

1. Emotionally empty: Have you ever sat in a room alone for hours & felt numb, even when focusing solely on yourself? It’s the hollowness we feel after being spent for long periods.
2. A rise in Expectation: As an over-giver, there is a latent expectation of something – not the same scale but, minute in return to every action. This creates false expectations from a loved one, who is anyway doing their best to make you smile. Acknowledge that, be thankful.
3. Neglected: When we are conquered by the thoughts & needs of others, we forget that we have an individuality of our own that needs regular nurturing. Stop & make it a practice to check in with yourself.
4. Demotivated: It’s challenging to have clarity & pursue simple agendas of your working day. Breathe, Relax & Detach to bounce back with a ton of productivity.
5. Fatigued: If our mind is in trouble, the body manifests it into fatigue, low energy, sleep deprivation, and even lifestyle disease. Work hard towards fixing the shit between your ears to have a beautiful quality of life.

Still struggling with these feelings rarely, I’d like to end my dialogue by putting here a quote that summaries the necessity of self-care – The tree said: “No, it’s time for me to set some boundaries.” And the tree lived happily.

Here’s a toast to our emotional quotient & sensitivity to the world we inhabit. But, in that, we must never forget to make a toast to ourselves.

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