Q. My spouse is in a relationship with another woman, he is normal with our children, But avoids me. As a wife, I am keeping quiet to avoid conflict and keeping busy at work but I feel like an emotional wreck. What is the best solution?
A. Infidelity in relationships is a form of psychological violence. The number of cases are also on the rise. Whether a man or a woman is involved in extra-marital relations, children suffer the most as they are left in a state of confusion. They do not understand whom to side with. As you said his behaviour with the children is normal, then that’s fine. However, later it may lead to shame, loss of trust, confusion, resentment, ambivalence towards the betraying parent and acting out are common experiences for children of cheating parent.
You seem to be an independent and strong woman who is financially strong. Living in such relationships which does not give you respect and lowers your self-esteem is not healthy.
One needs to be untied and freed from the shackles of being with a man who is not committed to the relationship.
Any relation which is in a shamble, can be identified if:
– Criticism is more than Compliments
– You can’t remember the last time you were intimate.
– You don’t argue anymore
– You avoid spending quality time together.
Your marriage seems to be having no type of intimacy whether emotional, sexual, intellectual, aesthetic, creative, recreational, work, crisis, commitment, or spiritual. With no communication and in case of involvement with another woman, with no remorse, such a marriage may be dissolved before it plays it’s havoc on your mental physical health.
When children grow up in such an environment deal with a negative influence on them and their career, studies, health may get impacted.
So in my opinion it is best to consult a marriage counsellor and try to take a decision, that preserves your rights and takes care of the children’s future.
Find a qualified therapist who has the expertise in infidelity recovery and use his/her service to make sure the relationship healing is complete. The emotional tension that affects the individuals in a broken relationship of marriage who have not healed from adultery impacts everyone around them, especially their sensitive children. A relationship that gives support, loyalty, and intimacy should flourish if not it’s best that it ends before too much damage is done.
Kavita Upadhyay
Student counsellor and has expertise in teaching psychology, career counselling, stress management and gender issues. Kavita is also an expert practitioner in marital counselling, life skills, interaction with community, research and tool construction.
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