By Kamal Brar
May 29, 2023; Unhurry Expert Research Team
In This Article
The day I heard the words “surgical menopause,” my world turned upside down. Little did I know that the physical and emotional changes I was about to face would not only test my resilience but also put a strain on the very foundation of my marriage. In this article, I invite you into my personal journey through the uncharted territory of surgical menopause and its toll on my mental health and marriage. Together, let’s explore the challenges, triumphs, and lessons learned along the way.
Surgical menopause – two words that I never thought would become a part of my vocabulary. But life has its own plans, and sometimes they include surgical interventions that force us to confront unexpected hurdles. As I lay on the hospital bed, waiting for the surgeon’s hands to alter the course of my life, I couldn’t help but wonder what lay ahead. Little did I know that the invisible battle for my mental health and the resilience of my marriage was about to begin.
The Unexpected Rollercoaster: Navigating the Emotional Storms
My journey through surgical menopause was anything but smooth sailing. The hormone fluctuations that followed seemed to have conspired to turn my emotions into a wild, uncontrollable rollercoaster ride. One moment, I would be filled with a surge of anger, and the next, I would dissolve into tears over the smallest of things. It was like living with a stranger inside my own body.
Navigating these emotional storms required immense patience, understanding, and open communication from both me and my partner. We had to learn to recognize the triggers, ride out the waves together, and seek solace in each other’s arms. I realized that in times of vulnerability, leaning on one another can be our greatest strength.
The Invisible Battle: Dealing with Loss and Grief
Ah, grief, that silent companion that accompanies us through life’s most challenging moments. When faced with surgical menopause, it was as if grief had taken up residence within my heart, quietly whispering reminders of what once was and what could never be. And yet, amidst the invisible battle, there were glimmers of hope and resilience.
The loss that accompanies surgical menopause goes beyond the physical changes. It reaches deep into the recesses of our souls, touching upon the dreams we held close, the connection to our femininity, and the expectations we had for our lives. It can be overwhelming, leaving us grappling with a sense of emptiness and longing. But as I journeyed through this labyrinth of grief, I discovered that acknowledging and allowing myself to grieve was an essential part of healing.
In the depths of grief, my partner stood as a beacon of light, understanding the complex emotions I experienced. Together, we traversed the path of loss and found solace in each other’s arms. We learned that grief is not a sign of weakness but a testament to the love and dreams we hold dear. Through compassion, support, and a deep understanding of one another, we found the strength to navigate the invisible battle and emerge with renewed resilience and hope.
Reconnecting with Intimacy: Overcoming Challenges in the Bedroom
One of the most challenging aspects of surgical menopause was the impact it had on our intimacy as a couple. The hormonal changes wreaked havoc on my sexual desire, leaving me feeling disconnected from my own body and unable to enjoy the intimacy that once came so naturally. The walls that had once brought us together now stood as barriers in our bedroom.
We knew we had to find a way to reconnect, to reignite the flame that had dimmed. It required vulnerability, honesty, and a willingness to explore new paths. We sought advice from professionals, educated ourselves about the physiological changes, and embarked on a journey of discovery together. Slowly but surely, we found our way back to a place of intimacy, fueled by patience, understanding, and an unwavering commitment to our love.
Patience, Empathy, and Compassion: The Role of the Partner
Ah, emotions – those mysterious, intricate creatures that can confound even the best of us. When it comes to dealing with emotions, some men might find it more challenging to navigate the ever-changing landscape. Amid my surgical menopause journey, it wasn’t just my own emotional rollercoaster that I had to contend with. I had the privilege of witnessing my partner grapple with his own set of emotions. It wasn’t always easy for him to understand the depths of what I was going through, but he showed up, and that’s what truly matters. It took time and effort for my partner to embrace patience, empathy, and compassion. We had countless conversations where we laid bare our vulnerabilities, fears, and frustrations. And you know what? It made all the difference.
Sure, there were moments when he might not have fully comprehended the intensity of my emotions, but he made a conscious effort to listen, learn, and empathize. Together, we embarked on a path of growth and understanding. We learned to hold space for each other’s emotions, offer comfort without judgment, and provide unwavering support. And let me tell you, it transformed our marriage in ways we never thought possible. So, to all the partners out there, regardless of gender, know that your willingness to embrace emotions, to listen, and to show compassion can make all the difference. It’s not always easy, but the rewards are immeasurable. Together, we can navigate the stormy seas of surgical menopause, hand in hand, with hearts open and ready to understand.
Don’t Let Perimenopause Pause You
The moment women hit their late 30s, their symptoms are termed as perimenopausal. As we progress in age, this turns into menopausal.
Remember, emotions are not something to be feared or avoided. They are the threads that weave the tapestry of our humanity. And when we approach them with patience, empathy, and compassion, we create a space where love can truly flourish.
Seeking Professional Help: The Power of Therapy
While our journey through surgical menopause didn’t necessitate professional therapy, we recognize that it becomes an invaluable necessity for many couples. Therapy holds within it the potential to unlock a world of healing, growth, and transformation. It is a powerful tool that can provide guidance, support, and a safe space to navigate the complexities of surgical menopause and its impact on a marriage.
For some, therapy becomes the bridge that connects partners, allowing them to explore their emotions, fears, and challenges in a non-judgmental environment. It offers a fresh perspective, expert advice, and proven strategies to address communication issues, understand one another’s experiences, and foster resilience. By seeking professional help, couples can proactively invest in their mental well-being and relationship health, uncovering new depths of understanding and forging a stronger, more fulfilling connection.
Whether it’s couples therapy or individual counseling, the power of therapy lies in its ability to provide tools, insights, and a roadmap to navigate the uncharted territory of surgical menopause. It is a reminder that seeking external support is not a sign of weakness, but a courageous step toward growth and healing. So, for those who find themselves in need, I encourage you to consider the transformative potential of therapy, allowing it to become a guiding light on your journey toward reclaiming joy, restoring intimacy, and building a resilient marriage.
As I reflect upon my journey through surgical menopause, I am reminded of the resilience of the human spirit and the power of love. The toll it took on my mental health and marriage was undeniable, but through it all, we emerged stronger, more compassionate, and more connected.
Surgical menopause tested our relationship in ways we could never have anticipated. It demanded patience, empathy, and a willingness to grow together. We learned to navigate the emotional storms, acknowledge, and heal our grief, and reignite the flame of intimacy. Seeking professional help became a turning point, providing us with the tools to overcome obstacles and emerge victorious.
To those on a similar path, remember that you are not alone. Reach out to your partner, seek support, and be open to the possibilities that lie ahead. Though the toll of surgical menopause on marriage may be significant, it can also become a catalyst for growth, understanding, and a deeper bond between partners.
Help is here:
Toll-Free Mental Health Rehabilitation Helpline Kiran (1800-599-0019)
Name of the Organisation: SAMA Resource Group for Women and Health
Sama is a resource group based in Delhi, working on issues related to women and health. It was initiated in 1999 by a group of feminist activists who were involved in the autonomous women’s movement which views health from a broader perspective and finds linkages of women’s well-being with various determinants of health.
Contact address: Sama – Resource Group for Women and Health
B-45, Second Floor
Shivalik Main Road
Malviya Nagar
New Delhi – 110017
Contact email: sama.womenshealth@gmail.com
Telephone: 011-26692730
Name of the Organisation: Vandrevala Foundation
Vandrevala Foundation is a non-profit that partners with organizations to help communities thrive by providing education and healthcare. Vandrevala Foundation launched a mental health helpline in India in 2009 to offer free psychological counselling and crisis mediation to anyone who is experiencing distress due to depression, trauma, mood disorders, chronic illness, and relationship conflict.
Website: http://www.vandrevalafoundation.com
Contact: Email: info@vandrevalafoundation.com
Telephone: +91 9999 666 555